Personal:Perspective

Dear Diary,

Today, I'm gonna talk about something personal. Something I've known all along. And something that really is due to my own actions.

I never thought people would really talk Bad behind me. Guess I'm that Naive. Well, it's not surprising really, coz whenever my friends get together, that's what they do actually. Human nature har?

Speaking of that, in case you still don't know. I have a habit of openly teasing people, mostly with sarcastic remarks, some of the times it's deemed offensive to them. So I'll understand if they do not think of me highly.

While I know the kind of person I portray to others and how others see me. I couldn't change to fit the image that they think will actually suit me. No, I don't do that, that's something I've learnt over the past years. Never change yourself for anyone else. Change for yourself. And from what I know, people have different understanding about me. Here's a list that I'm sure one of it is how you taught of me.

*A philosophical girl that seems to know so much yet haven't been through that much, seems mature by the outside yet really immature in the inside.
*A friend that never take sides whenever there's arguments between both party. I only support the ones I think is right, as the Chinese says: 帮理不帮亲。
*Always had this blank expression on my face, or simply put it, emo vibes that comes out from me. A girl that doesn't always smile even when she stick a "Smile Always" sticker everywhere.
*A girl that doesn't truly fits to any groups of friends. But rather mix with every kind of them. The fashionistas, the gossipers, the dudes, the chicks, etc.
*The one people find when they have heart aches, but never cross their mind other times. I'm forgettable. Just the same as I'm forgetful.
*Not a partner that's fun to be with, be it group projects or trips. It doesn't really make a difference whether I'm there or not. Most of the time, I'm the left over or extra. Some of the times, because they needed my help. 
*A girl that seems pretty close to the guys, sometimes too close that people think wrongly of me. 

I wasn't always close to the opposite sex, truth be told. I was never close to guys when I'm in primary, even secondary, I think He changed me actually, even though He's in the Forgotten list. My ex-best friend anyway if you're wondering. Because I got close to him, I started to get close with the rest as well. I just realize that.

Btw, the above, I'm not belittle-ing myself, not at all, why would I? When no one's perfect, neither are you. So before you think so highly of yourself perhaps you should look into yourself to even comment another for the same person you're actually are.

It's funny you know, I know it's true because that's what I do. The fact that when someone point others for their wrongs but they themselves commit it as well. I tend to say to my sis the very same thing my mum say to me half of the times. So before you want to say how a person is, perhaps you should review and check if you're just the same.

Whatever it is. Whatever I do. 我对得起自己良心. I don't purposely create harm or hurt another. Unintentionally it happens sometimes. The things I do I know enough to not create trouble. Even though often there's misunderstandings on the other side, but if at's what they think. Well, so be it.

If you beg to differ, you can always tell me straight at my face, if I accept what you say as the truth, I'll still be friends with you. If what you said is merely one-sided thinking of yours. Then it's fair to say I don't need a friend like you. Yea, I'm like that. If you don't like me, I won't try hard to make you. No one told me I have to like everybody, even though I try to.

Anyway, it reminds me of what my other friend said the other day, about a very close girl friend of mine. I couldn't exactly remember what she said, but a word stood out, it's "Cheap". I couldn't really defend my girl friend at that point. To some extent the facts that my friend laid out about her is true. And for that she thinks she's cheap. But I know better than to ever think of her like that. I never thought of her like that, even though my girl friend think so herself. I even had to convince her that she's really not. Because I know better. I didn't know what to say that will really be the truth and for what she truly is.

It's funny thou, another thing about human nature is that, when someone said something about you. It isn't as bad as when someone said something about someone you care. It makes you want to defend them all the more. You could say the very same thing to the person because you care for them. But hearing it from another person saying them like that. You just had to stand up and try doing something about it. Simply because it's someone you care.