Honestly, I'm just a girl with simple dreams,
I dare not say I'm simple minded because I know I'm not.
But if you ask me why I studied a degree for?
I guess because I wanna know if I can do it.
And I did it.
It wasn't because I wanted to get a high pay job (will be a bonus if I do),
But no, it was partly parents wishes, partly peer pressure, partly society influences.
So now that I'm graduating,
I don't have the slightest clue what I want to do.
Why must we succumb to people's aspirations towards ourselves?
Sometimes I wonder,
But if we ourselves don't have aspirations,
Then what do we live for?
Whatever it is, I'll let my mind rest for now,
So many choices, so many decisions to make,
I just wanna block off everything and rest my mind for now.

Sign, Jane.

Today I'm gonna talk about this
Being a Literature student,
Sometimes we automatically analyse the things we see, read, and watch,
This is what we learn in our "Critical Thinking" course.

This video, that Samsung is trying to make evry youtubers watch,
Has gain quite a popular following thou.
And if you have no idea wot I'm talking about, u probably don't youtube much eh.
Only had the time/feel to watch this whole short fillm @ advert today.

I like a quote inside that says:
"Sometimes you feel like memories are nothing more than dreams, and after awhile, they all fade."


And here's a quote that pop up my mind.
"The love of your life is like a piece of puzzle that completes the whole picture."
That it felt just right for them to be there.
Similarly, there are just some people who matters to you a lot, they're every piece of that puzzle,
Which without them, the picture will never be completed.
And yea well, it did managed to make me weep twice of the 7 epis.

The short film is actually cliche, reminds me of korean drama.
I'm gonna tell you the spoiler.So don't read unless u have watch it. Haha.
Rich girl-meet-poor guy(with dreams), rich girl's parents disapprove of the relationship, rich girl died (or it seems), rich girl amnesia, came back to the guy's life, and ending? (Yet to be revealed - but then I guess we can all guess, it's either they get back together, or she leaves for good)

The total video makes up about 30-40 minutes, similarly to a short movie film, not too short and not too long.

It is one of my dreams to be able to write a script and make it into a movie, but I'm not sure where and how to start, but then again, I have so many dreams I'm not sure which I really want to pursue.
Dreams, what are they?

Sign, The Lost Girl, Jane.

When Life gives you Apples, you make Pies.
Does that even make sense, lol.
You just make do with whatever you have I figure,
And maybe when you have something, you use something else to make it into other things. =)
*Don't know what shit I'm crapping, but forgive me, I'm too bored.
(Which explains my recent blog posts for being so rajin keep blogging - as a matter of fact is a case of too bored, or too free)

So since I have the time, and some thoughts I wanna let out,
Might as well type it down here, to kill some time,
And so that my brain cells won't die so soon. =P

Anyway. Today's Topic:
Let us discuss about Neutralism and Contradiction.
Neutralism: a policy of political neutrality.
Contradiction: a combination of statements, ideas, or features of a situation that are opposed to one another

I am both neutral and contradictory, 90% of the times.
I tend to not TAKE SIDES,I am neutral to both sides, and I also contradict my own thoughts every now and then.
So then it gets back to the saying,
Remember the quote: Put yourself in the shoes of others?
Yes I can do that, I tend to do that a lot, that it seems more like I'm wearing their shoes than I'm wearing my own shoes. Heh.

Bcoz I strongly believe everyone has their beliefs, opinions, perceptions, values which differ from one another. 
Which makes me the worst critic bcoz I blv for evrythg someone come out with someone else will DEFINITELY agree to it, no doubt about that.
But the question of Morality and Conscience has caused me to doubt even myself,
When my principles waver every now and then.
What is Right and What is Wrong if there is no exact guide book to tell you what or how you should be?
No two souls are the same, so why must there be two thoughts that's the same?
Really we shudn't be so hard on ourselves,
I know I am.
As my friend puts it, sometimes I overthink about EVERYTHING.

Ppl may think I'm trying to suck up to evry sides since I refuse to take sides,
But I do have some sides that I do take even though I may disagree with both sides,
Possibly due to the majority and my own judgment for doing so. 
And I don't thk it's an issue to contradict myself for words I may have said bfor, bcoz first of all, wot I said bfor may not be TRUE, and secondly I may just be trying to correct myself for wot I said before (even though it might not still be TRUE as well, haha)

But all in all, I guess the most important thg is that we don't go against our conscience, don't do thgs that may be not OKAY for anybody.

And now I'm pissed. (for sth that juz came up) so laterz!
Sign, Jane

Sometimes I watch those movie and wonder how nice if I get to speak in a confession booth as well,
You know? The one you had in the church?
Where you don't see the person you confess to and vice versa?
So nobody will be there to judge you?
But somehow or rather, this place became my confession booth,
Unless ppl who noes me reads about it, haha,
Which I don't rly mind, bcoz if they knew me, the probably knew about it as well.

So, what's the thing I wanna confess today?
Well honestly,
I like getting myself drunk,
Ofcoz not the hang over part,
I just like getting tipsy,
I'm sure I'm not the only one who feels that way,
But I only drink when I goes to club (which happens like once in a blue moon, make that average 3 months once), which wasn't to the approval of my bf (who seems to dislike the idea, but he can't do anythg since he's not beside me. =P)

Honestly, I don't see myself as a wild child,
I don't think I am as well,
Some ppl do the darnedest thing,
I don't even go around hugging strangers to start with, haha.

Just for a night, I like to forget about myself,
Forget the usual me that I am,
And act however I want,
Things that I won't normally do when I'm sober, (so when I get juz a bit drunk it gives me excuse to do sth that I may deny of later, =P)
I wasn't a fan of alcohol, still not,
But it takes the worry away even momentarily,
But no, I'm not the kind of person who relies on alcohol to removes wotever concern I had in my head,
It's just a form of releasing stress, for the night, that's all. But it does makes me feel better (in my head) if not worse (in my body) the next day.

Even when I'm tipsy, I'm sober enough to know what was I doing,
It is the aftermath of what I did that usually worries me.
Wanna noe wot I did? Eh well, nth serious rly (afterall, wot can I do? *giggles)

Sign, Jane.

Today marks the beginning of the Hungry Ghost Festival/Yu Lan Jie.
Where the gate of hell opens a little by little, until it will fully open on the 15th,
A holiday for the ghouls and spirits of the after world.

And why do I have to remind myself of all the things I want to forget?
Now it's more the thought that freaks me out than the event itself,
I am so gonna smack my head for this,
Reminds myself what and what not to do....o.O

First thing to take note, don't turn your head around when someone call you from behind (I mean how is this possible if it's ur boss calling for u rite? o.O - but when this seems to refer when it's the night and we're alone I suppose)

Do not wash your hair after 6pm (now this is freaking annoying bcoz I tend to wash my hair after work, how the hell am I suppose to do that bfor work? unless I wake freaking early, if not I'll hev to ignore it and still go ahead while being paranoid with the idea)

Do not look at the mirror at night (I do that all year long anyway, scary cat as such)

And for all the other do and don't that I can't thk of, plz pray I won't find out about it,
The more you try to avoid doing this and that, the more you freak yourself out with what not.
And a reminder, if you got to a hungry ghost performance,
DO NOT, I REPEAT, DO NOT sit in the first row, or even the 2nd row to be safe.
You don't want to get yourself into trouble by fighting seats with the "VIP"... Guh...
The thought is so freaking me out, I should rly stop thkin about it.
I trained myself to wash out all those thoughts when I was in Uni,
That way I can keep myself sane even when I was all alone in the hostel. ><"

People always say I'm weird,
Over time, I have grown use to their perception towards me (1st impression)

It's always the same thing, but as I grow, I realize I'm starting to break that wall.
I used to put up a wall around me, refusing anyone that come close.

I'm the type that won't bother getting close to you,
Bcoz I'm the type that grow close to ppl over time.

Let me explain why I think I myself am weird.
It's not the way I look, rather the way I act.

I suppose the reason is due to many factors,
One of the factors is my upbringing,
In contrary to my two sisters, who aren't weird at all,
One is sociable, another anti-social (so it seems la, she only anti some ppl only), that's not weird rite?
But me? I'm the one in between.

Growing up, I'm exposed to different cultures,
Going to a Chinese school when my parents don't speak Chinese was a struggle to me,
I wasn't exactly the same as everyone else,
I was brought up with the best of three worlds,
With my parents conversing to me in English, relatives speaking to me in Malay, and Friends speaking to me in Chinese. (In case u duno, I'm a Hybrid, Half-Nyonya - so called la)

So you see the problem here is when I don't really resemble anyone of those particular people.
As I got influenced from my grandma, I watch P. Ramlee, then I got influenced from my Dad, I watch Hindustani Movies, hence my childhood crush on Shah Rukh Khan (still do, xp)
And then there are my aunts who are fans of Indon drama, Spanish soaps, Philippine shows, I practically watch every type of shows and languages.
Then there's this trend of Japan, Korean and Taiwan dramas as well.
Why I'm telling u this? Bcoz when I tell ppl I watch those dramas, ppl thinks I'm weird (plz dun tell me ur one of them or I'm gonna smack u for sure, xD)

I figure the complexity of my nature comes from the very mixture of upbringing.
I'm always the kid that believes everything happens for a reason,
So if fate place me for this n that, I'll just follow the flow, simple as that.
And being a literature student, I find myself even weirder,
Ppl thought so too, I figure,
Everytime they'll wonder, why Literature? The answer of which u can find it at another post of mine here. Hahaa.

But you know what, no matter how weird I am, I pride myself for always staying true, even if someone wanna say I'm fake (sometimes I have to pretend to protect either my own pride, or ur very dignity, so BEAR THIS IN MIND)
I always believe honesty is the best policy (which makes ppl mad at me most times-can chek this post here as well), juz type honesty. xD
Time goes by, and friends come and go,
I can't keep every friend by my side,
But if they had to go, I thank them for ever being there.

Why be normal when you can be weird?
And to thk a twin cousin of mine tattooed the word strange on her wrist, maybe I'm just the same as her, except I'm weird. Haha.

Okay, so as we speak, even now, new ppl I meet says I'm weird, I seriously don't know to break that perception. I'm like a chameleon thou, ur friendly to me, I do the same, ur quiet then I'll keep quiet. I don't rly take the initiative, but I'm learning now (will do another post on this later)
Oh well, ppl who noes me will tell u I'm crazy, in contrary to the way I look, (cold, lifeless, smileless, lol)
Yea sth like the pic below, like frankenweenie or perhaps corpse bride, I don't giv an expression unless u make me, like rly rly make me?
But when I'm with my friends, you'll see I re-act differently, there was once an article that says we all have different personalities with different surroundings and ppl. It's like having split personality, except I'll rather call it switch personality, where we just switch from this to that in just a sec. right? =)

Well what else? I don't know, if you know me, now tell me, why do you think I'm weird? (I'll give you candies for it? xD)

Your weird friend, Jane

Sometimes I think I pay too much attention to those around me, except for those right beside me.
Don't get me wrong, I love my friends, I love my family, I love my boyfriend,
But trying to be there for everyone is a headache.
I try to make it a point to divide my time equally,
Only to feel that I still have a preference for some,
Which in return may have neglected the rest.

Even my boyfriend complain I forget about him when I go back to my hometown,
Majority of my friends are in Melaka, those close to me,
So I love hanging out with them whenever I go home, not wasting any second I'm back,
And to be honest, some of them made me feel at ease, and some of them made me put up a shield.

I wasn't always this girl who was surrounded by my friends,
Even now I only have a selected group that is close to me,
And I appreciate it for them to be in my life,
But perhaps I should be dividing the time more between them.

I'm biased, I know that, which of us aren't right?

P/S: I like hanging out with ppl that don't judge me for how I look or what I do, and ppl who will show their ugly self to me without minding it. =)

I've been Smiling more recently, after some comments from the ground that I should.
I guess I owe it to ppl, bcoz it's not like they owe me money right?
Greeting others with smile, it makes you feel good when they smiles back,
If they don't, it's okay, you took the first step.

Ppl close to me knows that I don't usually smile, when I'm happy, I just laugh like crazy,
But no I have this tight lips that just won't smile, well, I've been trying to pry open the tight lips of mine, =)

Anyway, I always believe honesty is the best policy, and I always try to stay true to myself,
Which may offend some ppl in some ways.
Anyway, my mind is that everyone has their own perspective, and I have mind,
Most of the times it may seem I'm trying to make others accept my opinion,
But then I'm just giving a piece of my thought,
There are some things that u strongly believe that u thk it shud be the way (and then there will be someone else thkin d same for the opposite)

But it's okay, I'm learning, I'm smiling, I'm lucky to have a bunch of family and friends that understands and accepts me the way I am.

P/S: Always stay true to yourself, bcoz if u don't, you'll live your whole life portraying a facade of u, and when ur gone, ur facade fades away with memories of u.

I have this light addiction, if not "serious" addiction doing online shopping. Sometimes offline as well.
I have to buy at least 1 clothes per month, otherwise I feel damn itchy very beh tahan.
For every money I earn, I spent it half on clothes.
I was able to keep track of the stuff I buy by limiting the amount of money spend on clothes.
But then even RM250 per month is damn alot. ><"
I always make it a point to only spend what I have,
But doing my intern in KL is not helping at all,
And I had to get those working clothes bcoz I CANNOT see myself wearing the same outfit week after week,
I have to have atleast 10 working outfits, so that I can change every 2 weeks or more.

Now that I'm in Office doing nothing, might as well count my money spent to remind myself on my spending.
1st July-Now.

1. Taxi Fares: RM77 (to be claimed)
2. Petrol: RM30 (The rest paid by sis)
3. Working Clothes: RM260
4. Outing Clothes: RM250
5. Food: RM150 (Approx)
6. Movies: RM50 (Approx)
=RM767

As you can see, I spend less on others but spend alot on clothes.
Next month: MUST keep it less than RM100. Really can't afford to spend so much anymore.
Really damn broke ad, keep reselling back the clothes I couldn't wear (some too big/too short/too small/etc)
Anyone wanna buy? I have damn pretty collection ok. I very fussy one. hahaha. xD
And besides, they're all brand new and good quality.

Shh. cannot let ppl noe. aikz. Have to try n work on it.
Just bear in mind to have enough money for food. lol.
I'm not gonna be like some ppl always go out no money,
and then makan oso no money.
I STILL GOT adequate money store for daily needs ok?

Oh, found this pic, haha. excuse. lol

Being in the office doing nothing I just feel like writing.
Going for the Interview tomorrow! OMG. Nervous Wreck.
I am well aware of my chances, but a girl's gotta try eh?
I know I am not as slim, not as pretty, not as outstanding,
But if there's one thing I know, I know I'm always staying true to myself,
And to me, the most important thing is treating others with sincerity.
Don't smile at me and talk bad behind my back,
These days, I'm learning to smile and accepting others just the way they are (although sometimes they annoy me, but then I annoy them too. So it's oklah, kan? xD)

Anyway, the main thing I wanna talk today, is about the two "odd" couples, as perceived by society, ppl will question, will they be together forever? Or can he stand her so long, and etc?
Does it matter? I say even ppl with good looks will be apart, don't tell me the reason for falling out of love is bcoz the person u love just does not look good anymore (although this is the case with some ppl)

This girl, Gloria Shuri Nava, wrote, (see down here, as you can see at her link)
http://shine.yahoo.com/love-sex/im-overweight-boyfriends-not-big-freaking-deal-134800157.html


and words from the gentlemen.
http://shine.yahoo.com/love-sex/girlfriend-weighs-more-170300690.html

I think it takes a lot of courage for them to be public about the relationship (knowing there are just some jealous ppl out there condemning such relationships, a person is only undeserving for his/her happiness if they're such a bastard/bitch, but never bcoz of their physical shapes.)

Self-Confession: I admit I have a thing for taller guys (but I'm not in love with my boyfriend for that sole reason fyi), that is why I never fall for guys of my height or below, but as Ali puts it, it's just a matter of preference.

We all have our types, how long we can stay in a relationship depends on our commitment and honesty towards each other, and I am just lucky to have someone who accepts me the way I am (which includes my temper, my attitude, my personality all in all)

xoxo, Jane.

9 out of 10 people that ask me what I study in Uni will ask me, "Why Literature?"

2 Weeks into my Internship and I'm already Ticking off the days.
Why can't I ever fit into somewhere? I'm always feeling lost, without a direction.
This is so annoying,
The more I stay in the office, the more I don't feel like getting an office job, the more I go out into the field, the more I hated seeing ppl (esp when my job requires me to ambush ppl). What have I gotten myself into?

I seriously don't know what I want, and they say try when ur young,
I have no idea where I'm going, or what I wanna do,
Thinking of this, thinking of that?
Thinking of applying for cabin crew (do I even qualify? lol)
Thinking of starting up a business (but where do I get the capital?)
And I have to start work soon (I have a car to pay for)
Everything is just so messed up, I have no idea what I wanna do. OMG...><"

If only I knew, maybe I should just try, and see what I got myself into. o.O

Hola there!

I don't know if it's too much,
I don't know if I can handle,
But I'll take the chance,
And try to make a change,
Perhaps then I'll learn,
How to stand on my own,
Been trying to avoiding it,
Been reluctant to step out,
From my very comfort zone.

I don't know what I want,
So I might as well just heed any chances,
Take it as a learning experience,
Everybody keep telling me the same thing,
I too keep convincing myself the same thing.

I used to put on a brave front,
Used to dare to do sth,
But as I age I realize I'm just like a turtle,
Who hides her head in her shell when she's freaked out,
I know I can't be like this forever,
Keep telling myself that it's no big deal,
That no matter what comes I'll survive,
Just hope I don't run away this time around.

x Jane

Going to apply for my internship.
Seriously in a dilemma,
No idea what I'm interested in,
But then again I remind myself that it's just an internship.
Going to try to apply for tv station, advertising, magazines, or newspaper.
Keeping my options open, and fingers cross that they will actually look into my resume,
Given the fact that I'm not such person with calibre,
I never was, but time and time again I suprise even myself.
When I myself expect me to give up,
But I continue to carry on,
And on the way even get some surprising results.
Was never good in studies,
But I'm proud to say I did try in Uni,
Surprisingly I do better than I expect most of the times,
Even though it's not the best,
I know I did my best. =)

Anyway, back to the internship thingy,
Given the choice, I would have apply for any companies in Melaka,
But no, even though I'm free to pick my own choice,
But I'm always pressured by people's views, people's opinion,
I can't rly make my own choice without proving that I'm doing the right thing,
How can I convince them if I can't even convince myself?
Sigh,
If I could, I would just apply my internship in Malacca,
But some of them expect me to stay in KL,
Even get a job in KL after I graduate,
I seriously dislike KL Lifestyle,
What's more with my personality that is pretty unsociable, ><"
Damn, I feel like a social freak now.
Again, it's not that I don't socialize,
I just don't feel like socializing with Hi Bye Friends,
If you know what I mean?
It's easy to tell which are Hi Bye Friends,
They are the ones that doesn't bother about your stuff,
and most of the times only say hi/bye out of friendliness,
Sometimes I just skip that part and ppl will say I'm stuck up,
I'm the kind of person who choose to disregard how ppl look at me,
Bcoz despite the smiling face those ppl flashes,
None of them are real, none of them means the things they say or concerns.

I seriously cannot imagine myself working under other ppl,
If they are the kind of impatient ppl they will snap at me most of the times,
I'm pretty slow witted and take my time doing stuff. ><"
Damn, I wish I can learn to be fast,
And find the courage to do things,
Even driving is still an issue,
Bcoz I'm always afraid being on the road. =(