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Fallen Leaves

Like the autumn leaves, we fall at times, only to find ourselves blown away by the wind, and thus we reach yet another place.

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Anger:Management

Dear Diary,

      Now where do I begin? It's 7.38pm, and I just woke up from my nap. I'm tired. My stomach hurts. Again. The usual. Nothing unusual. A call from a friend woke me up, not that I did not set the alarm, but as usual, I prefer to ignore the ringing sounds of the alarm.

     Anyway, my friend tried to get me just now, but as I was asleep, I did not get it. She called me again, and say they're going to watch "Avatar". Lol, I'm like okay, they wanted to ask me. But then again, I wouldn't have gone anyway. Then I thought about what I said yesterday, thought I write it down now.

     Will you change because others ask you to? Will you like something just because everyone else likes it? Or hate something just because everyone does too? Or maybe just do the EXACT opposite, of what everyone does? As in opposing what people like, and taking fancies in what others hate? Perhaps some will say just give it a chance, but will you still eat Cili? When you know you can't take it? You can't really give me the benefits of my doubt can you?

     I'm not gonna watch "Avatar", simply because I don't think it's my genre, same goes for the ghost stories and end of the world epic kinda show. For one thing I've learned all through the years is that we all have our own opinions. I love romantic comedy, I love watching about humanity, I love crying over soapy series. But most of the times, others hate it, but it's fine. It's just not their thing. Remember: Not everyone is gonna like the same thing you do, not everyone is gonna agree to everything you say. But it's okay. There really ain't right and wrong in a perfect way. There's never gonna be. And if anyone could even understand this theory. I'm tired of trying to explain myself. I really am.

     But this leads to this leads to that, and the sum is always the same. This phrase has stuck with me, it's in a novel I'm reading, title "The Face of Death" by Cody McFadyen. Only been through half way after a week, kinda slow at reading. Well, been watching series and going out more, so yea. Neway, what I want to say is, will I change my mind? Will I get influenced by the rest in the end? Will I actually go watch the movie if given the chance? There's no certain answer to that question. There never really is a certainty in life. Perhaps I would, perhaps I'll enjoy it as well. Perhaps I'll find it as great as what others say. But back to the question, will I even bother?

     I love watching Harry Potter, people keep telling me how great the book is, tried to read it. I DON'T GET IT AT ALL. That's how it is. I remember I did not watch LOTR 1 & 2. Then at a chance I got to watch the 3rd, n it's actually very nice. Now that I thought of it. I think I knew why I did not watch it in the 1st place. Because I didn't know what it's about at all.

     It's weird, not knowing what it's about when the phenomenon is so huge. You can't really blame me right? I watched LOTR 3 in 2003, that means I'm just 13. The previous 2 was released when I'm 11 and 12. Which I think a primary school children back then wouldn't get it even if I were to watch the 1st two? Something to do with our state of mind. Back in primary it's all about Harry Potter. The reason is simple, HP was release in 2001 as well, and he's 11, and I'm 11, it's easy to relate. Not that we all have magical powers. But you get the idea. End of story.

     Anyway, enough with the genre movie thing, at the end of the day, I may agree with you, but then again, I couldn't really CARE less? And my main point for today isn't about that. It's about anger management. So it's true, perhaps I don't realize it, but I'm actually getting less sentimental and getting more easily pissed off. In other words, I'm channeling my sadness into anger. Most of the times, I get upset when people say or do things that I do not like. Yes, that's how I used to be. Not anymore. These days, I just get mad or pissed off when such things happen. I try to calm myself down. Take a deep breath. But the fire just ignites in my heart. The flame, it isn't easy for me to put out.

     It's true that I rarely breaks down and cry anymore. It's also true that I'm letting my anger shown more and more. Furthermore, towards those that cares and those I care for. Gonna try and control myself. What I say, and do. Until then. Forgive me for the wrongs I've done.

"Even fire, with different degrees, create different colours."


PS: I Love You. J

3 Responses so far.

  1. readin this feels like we're having the same conversation we had last night..dejavu..lol

  2. +Yea, I noe, can't get over it. Lol.

  3. Anonymous says:

    hmm..bt anyway xian happy heard jane rarely cry dy..=)