People always say I'm weird,
Over time, I have grown use to their perception towards me (1st impression)

It's always the same thing, but as I grow, I realize I'm starting to break that wall.
I used to put up a wall around me, refusing anyone that come close.

I'm the type that won't bother getting close to you,
Bcoz I'm the type that grow close to ppl over time.

Let me explain why I think I myself am weird.
It's not the way I look, rather the way I act.

I suppose the reason is due to many factors,
One of the factors is my upbringing,
In contrary to my two sisters, who aren't weird at all,
One is sociable, another anti-social (so it seems la, she only anti some ppl only), that's not weird rite?
But me? I'm the one in between.

Growing up, I'm exposed to different cultures,
Going to a Chinese school when my parents don't speak Chinese was a struggle to me,
I wasn't exactly the same as everyone else,
I was brought up with the best of three worlds,
With my parents conversing to me in English, relatives speaking to me in Malay, and Friends speaking to me in Chinese. (In case u duno, I'm a Hybrid, Half-Nyonya - so called la)

So you see the problem here is when I don't really resemble anyone of those particular people.
As I got influenced from my grandma, I watch P. Ramlee, then I got influenced from my Dad, I watch Hindustani Movies, hence my childhood crush on Shah Rukh Khan (still do, xp)
And then there are my aunts who are fans of Indon drama, Spanish soaps, Philippine shows, I practically watch every type of shows and languages.
Then there's this trend of Japan, Korean and Taiwan dramas as well.
Why I'm telling u this? Bcoz when I tell ppl I watch those dramas, ppl thinks I'm weird (plz dun tell me ur one of them or I'm gonna smack u for sure, xD)

I figure the complexity of my nature comes from the very mixture of upbringing.
I'm always the kid that believes everything happens for a reason,
So if fate place me for this n that, I'll just follow the flow, simple as that.
And being a literature student, I find myself even weirder,
Ppl thought so too, I figure,
Everytime they'll wonder, why Literature? The answer of which u can find it at another post of mine here. Hahaa.

But you know what, no matter how weird I am, I pride myself for always staying true, even if someone wanna say I'm fake (sometimes I have to pretend to protect either my own pride, or ur very dignity, so BEAR THIS IN MIND)
I always believe honesty is the best policy (which makes ppl mad at me most times-can chek this post here as well), juz type honesty. xD
Time goes by, and friends come and go,
I can't keep every friend by my side,
But if they had to go, I thank them for ever being there.

Why be normal when you can be weird?
And to thk a twin cousin of mine tattooed the word strange on her wrist, maybe I'm just the same as her, except I'm weird. Haha.

Okay, so as we speak, even now, new ppl I meet says I'm weird, I seriously don't know to break that perception. I'm like a chameleon thou, ur friendly to me, I do the same, ur quiet then I'll keep quiet. I don't rly take the initiative, but I'm learning now (will do another post on this later)
Oh well, ppl who noes me will tell u I'm crazy, in contrary to the way I look, (cold, lifeless, smileless, lol)
Yea sth like the pic below, like frankenweenie or perhaps corpse bride, I don't giv an expression unless u make me, like rly rly make me?
But when I'm with my friends, you'll see I re-act differently, there was once an article that says we all have different personalities with different surroundings and ppl. It's like having split personality, except I'll rather call it switch personality, where we just switch from this to that in just a sec. right? =)

Well what else? I don't know, if you know me, now tell me, why do you think I'm weird? (I'll give you candies for it? xD)

Your weird friend, Jane

Sometimes I think I pay too much attention to those around me, except for those right beside me.
Don't get me wrong, I love my friends, I love my family, I love my boyfriend,
But trying to be there for everyone is a headache.
I try to make it a point to divide my time equally,
Only to feel that I still have a preference for some,
Which in return may have neglected the rest.

Even my boyfriend complain I forget about him when I go back to my hometown,
Majority of my friends are in Melaka, those close to me,
So I love hanging out with them whenever I go home, not wasting any second I'm back,
And to be honest, some of them made me feel at ease, and some of them made me put up a shield.

I wasn't always this girl who was surrounded by my friends,
Even now I only have a selected group that is close to me,
And I appreciate it for them to be in my life,
But perhaps I should be dividing the time more between them.

I'm biased, I know that, which of us aren't right?

P/S: I like hanging out with ppl that don't judge me for how I look or what I do, and ppl who will show their ugly self to me without minding it. =)

I've been Smiling more recently, after some comments from the ground that I should.
I guess I owe it to ppl, bcoz it's not like they owe me money right?
Greeting others with smile, it makes you feel good when they smiles back,
If they don't, it's okay, you took the first step.

Ppl close to me knows that I don't usually smile, when I'm happy, I just laugh like crazy,
But no I have this tight lips that just won't smile, well, I've been trying to pry open the tight lips of mine, =)

Anyway, I always believe honesty is the best policy, and I always try to stay true to myself,
Which may offend some ppl in some ways.
Anyway, my mind is that everyone has their own perspective, and I have mind,
Most of the times it may seem I'm trying to make others accept my opinion,
But then I'm just giving a piece of my thought,
There are some things that u strongly believe that u thk it shud be the way (and then there will be someone else thkin d same for the opposite)

But it's okay, I'm learning, I'm smiling, I'm lucky to have a bunch of family and friends that understands and accepts me the way I am.

P/S: Always stay true to yourself, bcoz if u don't, you'll live your whole life portraying a facade of u, and when ur gone, ur facade fades away with memories of u.

I have this light addiction, if not "serious" addiction doing online shopping. Sometimes offline as well.
I have to buy at least 1 clothes per month, otherwise I feel damn itchy very beh tahan.
For every money I earn, I spent it half on clothes.
I was able to keep track of the stuff I buy by limiting the amount of money spend on clothes.
But then even RM250 per month is damn alot. ><"
I always make it a point to only spend what I have,
But doing my intern in KL is not helping at all,
And I had to get those working clothes bcoz I CANNOT see myself wearing the same outfit week after week,
I have to have atleast 10 working outfits, so that I can change every 2 weeks or more.

Now that I'm in Office doing nothing, might as well count my money spent to remind myself on my spending.
1st July-Now.

1. Taxi Fares: RM77 (to be claimed)
2. Petrol: RM30 (The rest paid by sis)
3. Working Clothes: RM260
4. Outing Clothes: RM250
5. Food: RM150 (Approx)
6. Movies: RM50 (Approx)
=RM767

As you can see, I spend less on others but spend alot on clothes.
Next month: MUST keep it less than RM100. Really can't afford to spend so much anymore.
Really damn broke ad, keep reselling back the clothes I couldn't wear (some too big/too short/too small/etc)
Anyone wanna buy? I have damn pretty collection ok. I very fussy one. hahaha. xD
And besides, they're all brand new and good quality.

Shh. cannot let ppl noe. aikz. Have to try n work on it.
Just bear in mind to have enough money for food. lol.
I'm not gonna be like some ppl always go out no money,
and then makan oso no money.
I STILL GOT adequate money store for daily needs ok?

Oh, found this pic, haha. excuse. lol

Being in the office doing nothing I just feel like writing.
Going for the Interview tomorrow! OMG. Nervous Wreck.
I am well aware of my chances, but a girl's gotta try eh?
I know I am not as slim, not as pretty, not as outstanding,
But if there's one thing I know, I know I'm always staying true to myself,
And to me, the most important thing is treating others with sincerity.
Don't smile at me and talk bad behind my back,
These days, I'm learning to smile and accepting others just the way they are (although sometimes they annoy me, but then I annoy them too. So it's oklah, kan? xD)

Anyway, the main thing I wanna talk today, is about the two "odd" couples, as perceived by society, ppl will question, will they be together forever? Or can he stand her so long, and etc?
Does it matter? I say even ppl with good looks will be apart, don't tell me the reason for falling out of love is bcoz the person u love just does not look good anymore (although this is the case with some ppl)

This girl, Gloria Shuri Nava, wrote, (see down here, as you can see at her link)
http://shine.yahoo.com/love-sex/im-overweight-boyfriends-not-big-freaking-deal-134800157.html


and words from the gentlemen.
http://shine.yahoo.com/love-sex/girlfriend-weighs-more-170300690.html

I think it takes a lot of courage for them to be public about the relationship (knowing there are just some jealous ppl out there condemning such relationships, a person is only undeserving for his/her happiness if they're such a bastard/bitch, but never bcoz of their physical shapes.)

Self-Confession: I admit I have a thing for taller guys (but I'm not in love with my boyfriend for that sole reason fyi), that is why I never fall for guys of my height or below, but as Ali puts it, it's just a matter of preference.

We all have our types, how long we can stay in a relationship depends on our commitment and honesty towards each other, and I am just lucky to have someone who accepts me the way I am (which includes my temper, my attitude, my personality all in all)

xoxo, Jane.

9 out of 10 people that ask me what I study in Uni will ask me, "Why Literature?"

2 Weeks into my Internship and I'm already Ticking off the days.
Why can't I ever fit into somewhere? I'm always feeling lost, without a direction.
This is so annoying,
The more I stay in the office, the more I don't feel like getting an office job, the more I go out into the field, the more I hated seeing ppl (esp when my job requires me to ambush ppl). What have I gotten myself into?

I seriously don't know what I want, and they say try when ur young,
I have no idea where I'm going, or what I wanna do,
Thinking of this, thinking of that?
Thinking of applying for cabin crew (do I even qualify? lol)
Thinking of starting up a business (but where do I get the capital?)
And I have to start work soon (I have a car to pay for)
Everything is just so messed up, I have no idea what I wanna do. OMG...><"

If only I knew, maybe I should just try, and see what I got myself into. o.O