+Temptation...

I’m finding myself really hard to stay in control when there’s a guy sitting next to me, and it doesn’t really happens with every guy, but a couple of them at least, like I’ll lose my cool and just rather remain silent, anything I’ll leave it for them 2 decide n that’s it…n most of the times I gets emo at d end of d day, I duno y, but dat’s how I react at times…

And izit me? Or izit that specific guy dat I find myself easily taken by their words? I feel safe being wif them, but I know I cannot, and should not cross the line, even if I’m allowed to do so, because that’s not really me izit? It’s juz a momentary feeling, a craving of attention, a desire of being pampered…

It happens a lot rite? Like I’m nt d oni one who feels d way I do, ther ought 2 be sum1 else dat feels d same 2, n sumtimes dat sum1 else crosses d line, but do I wan dat? I mayb in a subconscious state, but I hev a sense of clarity of wot I wan...

I know I love being single, but sumtimes, I guess when d feeling overwhelms u, u will crave 4 more, 4 that sum1 2 be wif u, n I guess dat’s how it feels at times, how it makes me feel when I’m out wif a guy, sumtimes it gets me thking, the possibility dat we'll be more than frenz, but dat's nt wot I wan, it's juz wot my heart desires, a sense of security, n that 2, is of that moment n nvr laz any more than that...coz it's nt d 1st time, lol...

So yea, I find myself 2 be quite easily tempted depending on who dat person is, n 4 dis fren of mine, I find myself constantly ez 2 get close 2 him, n if he were 2 rly tempt me, I thk I might as well fall 4 it…but he didn’t, coz he noes we’re rly frenz, frenz dat trust each other enuf 2 noe our limit…n frenz dat will stay frenz no matter wot…

I oso duno if I care 4 him, but we’ve been on & off frenz, weird har? He’s d oni one dat alwiz seems like he nvr left my life, even when we stop contact 4 let’s say 6 months, 1 year? Lol, knew him since form 4, mayb it’s bcoz he’s very hard 2 care 4 la, I oso duno how 2 explain, like he dun rly trust girls either, but sth tells me he trusts me, n very funny one ler, he alwiz find me once in a blue moon I oso dun mind, I oso do d same thg 2 him, lol…

Tried 2 b ther 4 him, tried 2 make him stop, but, I dun rly hev d rights 2 do dat, who am I rite? I’m juz a fren, ther r sumthgs u juz cudn’t help wif, I realize dat a long time ago din I? Tempted? I hev 2 admit, he makes me feel dat way rather easily. A playboy? Hard 2 say, how do u even distinguish one dat is a playboy or a playgirl? U dun, it’s nt d amounts of ex-es dey had dat differentiate who’s d player, it’s d circumstances of it…

Given for example a millionaire who finds out dat d girls dat r wif him is alwiz after his money, then, who is d player here? Or perhaps juz gold diggers, but then again, sum may thk dat millionaire is a player instead, isn’t it? Ther’re alwiz 2 sides of d coin, u dun toss d same sides evrytime…n I hev a fren, dat changes her bf like it’s no big deal, but d fact it, she’s not a player, she simply hev yet 2 meet d rite one, so, how can u tell? U simply dun…

N he still looks like a lil kid, haha, looks 3 years younger than me, eventhou he's 3 years older than me, lol...His life has very much 2 do wif prejudice, truth is he is a nice guy deep down, n those r the very frenz dat I kip, instead of d ones dat oni noes how 2 use their frenz, sum1 dat is smart or cool doesn't make him worthy of a fren, u can take my words 4 it, bcoz at d end of d day, u'll cum 2 realize ur nth but a tool 4 them 2 use, a toy 4 them 2 play wif, those r d frenz dat seems "nice", but they're merely playing d role of "nice" ppl, without substance in it, the very ones dat I find myself sick of them...

But still, ppl kip judging d book by its cover, even my own old folks at home, it's hard 2 convince them of my frenz, esp d ones dat dyes their hair, so 2 save d problem, I won't let either meet, lol...dat's wot happens la, n most of my frenz noes about that, even thou I feel guilty but I rly duno how la, they alwiz question me dis n dat lo, I oso duno how 2 answer...they're my frenz, not my lovers, n I talked about this topic bfor, so ther's no nid 4 me 2 go on, I'm tired n I'm off 2 bed, dat's all...

"Do not succumb to the temptations arose from desires, for desires are what makes a man loses his sense of sanity..::..When we stop desiring so much for something, we learn to see what we already had instead..."

XoXo, J@N3...=]