+今天，跑去学校看天才比赛，妹有唱歌跳舞，可是后来也没进到啦，竞争还蛮强的，因为公开给外校的关系，所以，她也没什麽咯，尽力就好。
+去年的我，也在天才比赛决赛见识了他那对舞蹈的热情，他跳舞时认真的表情，让我觉得认真的人真的很好看，很耀眼。
+今年，感觉，却不一样了，不知道，是因为自己对他没感觉了，还是他本身对舞蹈的热情已经不如过往了。
+朋友进入了决赛，所以决赛也要去捧场咯，呵呵，今年竞争还真有呢，因为很多外校生参赛的关系，还好评判有眼光，没有偏帮谁，因为都是之前的学哥学姐咯，可是出来的成绩还是公平的啦。
+看到了以前很好，又很久不见的一位朋友，可是现在都没什麽联络了，让我想起了一些事，这些事用英文来写比较方便。
+今年，感觉，却不一样了，不知道，是因为自己对他没感觉了，还是他本身对舞蹈的热情已经不如过往了。
+朋友进入了决赛，所以决赛也要去捧场咯，呵呵，今年竞争还真有呢，因为很多外校生参赛的关系，还好评判有眼光，没有偏帮谁，因为都是之前的学哥学姐咯，可是出来的成绩还是公平的啦。
+看到了以前很好，又很久不见的一位朋友，可是现在都没什麽联络了，让我想起了一些事，这些事用英文来写比较方便。
+Getting frustrated with my friends, but trying not to, and trying not to make it seem so obvious, they live their life, I live mine, I do my best to keep in touch, but there's a limit to everything, if they don't need me, then I'll just budge off.
+One of the reason is that, I either care 2 much, or I'll juz care as much as u do, mostly the latter, for there's not much of a reason 4 me 2 care 2 much anymore, ppl tend 2 not appreciate it, and I'm not like my frenz who cud care 4 me without asking 4 anythg but 4 me 2 be hepi, for being underappreciated, makes me very unhappy.
+It's all in our mindset act, if you can fix your mindset, then your deeds will be counted as sincere, if not, it will not be, but an act of kindness without the heart to come with it. Just ain't my style.
+Take for example, a man that is a vegetarian, but wears fur and leather. He regards eating meat is an act of sin, and so he becomes a vegetarian, but at the same time, he forgot, the purpose of being a vegetarian is that they say no to killing, but wearing clothes made from animal skin, what makes him then?
+That is a story that sticks to my mind from a storybook call "The Love of Life", it's a storybook about the Buddha & fellow commoners, that depicts how contradiction life is, and how to make it less contradiction.
+Another example is that, when a rich woman gives out thousands of money to the poor but with no heart except for show that she is a kind woman, then the deed will not be counted. But when a poor women gives her hand to others in need, with a heart sincerely that others do not befall the same fate as her, then she has done a very great deed.
+So as to say, there are many examples in life that I can just take from and write it down, but there's no point really, for humans are forgetful, I am myself, I tend to forget the important things in life, and get frustrated over small matters, that's how it is, but that is also the way I am.
+It is important for us to know that what really comes from the heart is all there is, or else it will be of no substance but a show of an act.
+Back to what I was about to discuss, is the common excuse, "Busy", everyone tells me they're busy, and so the question, am I not myself? I probably am way to carefree, but then again, what comes after their excuse, is that they have time for another, but they do not have time for me. Saying this itself, I find it ridiculous for me, for I somehow realize, I am that way, with certain people, learn from the mistakes of others, do not do what you hate others to do.
+But, I still have to say it out, in order to prevent me from doing the things they do. I have a best friend in school, that doesn't really connect with me anymore, and rather drastically, when last year, we were talking on the phone almost once every two or three days, consoling her over her heart affairs, her worries, her break-up, well, basically, we grew closer again at that time, and she told me that it will be a time when we will cool down and drift apart again, but it's ok, for I understand that it is friendship nature.
+A friendship that can withstand the test of time, is one that will last till the end of time.
+What upsets me is that, she can't even say "Hi" to me when she pass me by, it's like I'm starting to not exist in her world anymore, and some people may just say I'm being over sensitive, but I acknowledge people when I see them, what's more to my friends, but almost every day she walks pass me without a smile, what's to say a word. I kinda feel invisible, and this is not me being sensitive.
+Seriously, you'll know when your friend kinda disregard your existence.
+It kinda piss me off, but there's nothing I can do, maybe things will get better after skul is over, but I doubt that.
+Kinda get used to it already, I'm a really convenient friend somehow, how I wish I will not be at times, whenever someone breaks down, I try to be there for them, for I would want the same when I do. And for that, I have friends that grew closer to me, but also friends that grew dependant on me, but all those doesn't really matter compare to friends that gets the wrong idea. Sigh...
+What I mean by that? Heh well, when I'm nice to some guys, when I care for them like no one else would, when I'm there for them when they break down, they tend to fall for me. And they thought only emotional girls are vulnerable towards guys that are there for them during their most fragile period.
+It's not that it's a bad thing, I'm not saying it is, thing is, those are the wrong reasons to fall for a person. If I were to end up with either of them, the relationship will falter very soon after, for they just need a listener, someone to be there for them, not someone to share everything they believe in.
+The more I type, the more I'm drifting from the actual subject, but who cares, I tend to do that alot, and another kind of guys, are those that finds me "Different" from the other girls, for once, I actually do not like being "Different", if that is the reason guys find me attractive, that happens a lot. I know, guys always think the girls they like are different, but my different is really different from the others.
+My "Different" is because I'm an unpredictable girl, I do not smile, I listen to evry genre of music that girls don't usually appreciate, I fix my hairstyle the way I want it, and not according to the "in" thing, I dislike "in" things, and do not follow trends, I'm weird in the eyes of some, crazy in the eyes of others. That is the answer you'll get when you ask what I'm like. I'm "Different" in a sense that I'm emo, but I also believe in happiness, believe in making the life of others better, believe in giving joy to another, for that is where I seek my happiness.
+When it comes to a guy that a girl loves, who she is doesn't matter, she can be anyone, but infront of that guy, she'll be a little girl in love, mark my words for that. If a girl can be like that, and you can accept her being like that, then you two might just be "The Perfect Lovers".
+For once, I don't want a guy coming up to me and say that I'm different@unique@special, for I will be no different from the rest if you stole my heart and leave it bleeding it for you, all I want is for a guy to look into my heart and get to know me and accept me the way I am.
+So for this, I will not seek love, this is not the time, and why do I write this now? So that I remember what being "Different" means to me.
+Bak to the friendship thingy, like it isn't enuf 4 one fren 2 not see me, I hev another that wudn't find me. Duh. And she's suppose 2 be my best fren, it takes days to get her 2 reply my sms, n that is after I send her another sms, most of the times, she still doesn't reply.>.<"
+And the excuse is, not bcoz she doesn't hev credit, or her number expired, but bcoz she was too busy? Yea, dat's y I said I hate that excuse, very much, n for someone to say she's busy, she's probably busy sms-ing with the guys she's flirting with[I'm not accusing without proof, I'm upset, sorry 4 my words, I'm being sarcastic, sue me].
+Sorry to say this, even if you read this, I'm kinda annoyed, when you promised, and when you said you have something to tell me, and just leave me hanging, it gets even more annoying, crap, I try not to show it, I try to be a good friend, but I know that's the way you are, that is why I do not make a big deal of it, kinda got used 2 it already, go figure, u're still my best fren, I'll still put up with those, but I'll still feel that way, and that is something I'm hoping you'll understand, until then, forget it. Just venting my frustration anyway, it's my blog, I'm entitled to absolute freedom to write whatever I want. Lol.
+So yea, I had a really unproductive week, and I'm not proud of it, and that explains the change of schedule for me to get online, won't be online until 31st July, that's the day my July test will be over, won't be out until then either. Sigh.
+Feel like I can breathe again, been inside my heart for God knows how long, that explains the super duper long post, that's what happens when I write it all out at once.
+Wish me luck, gambateh neh!! Aja2!!! =)
"Friendships may falter, relationships may fail, but threads of destiny will find its way to you..."
Love, Jane
+first off, like u said, super duper long post..woo~
+ya, it's been month now too that i felt one of my friend has been drifting apart from me, ever since she start dating my best friend, she has been quite "different" to me..felt left out wen it's juz me ,her and my best friend..cuz she will hardly talk to me unless i start the convo..sometime i feel like she's being cold to me..sometime..sigh..maybe it's juz me..
+all the things u said in the 2nd blue paragraph, i have known all those things bout u, i understand ur definition of "different"..maybe tats y it's ez communicating wit u ..haha
+i hope this things between u n ur friend works out, i knw wot it feels like to be ignored like ur transparent..
+good to see new post from u and goodluck with the exam..gambateh yo~
jane
i love you!
hmm.. :)
wow!! you're reli expressing all ur frustration out... lol..
Well, sometimes ppl just dont know how to appreciate friends...
stick to those that appreciate you.. i'm sure there are many ppl out there who think like you..
one hand claps wont make any sound.. if u r the one that always put effort to hold back the frenship but the other party didnt do so, then no matter how hard u try, u will lose it.. it's jz the matter of time..
look for those who hv similarity with you.. in the end, u'll find that they are the one closest to u... care for u...
remember: ur frens around u represent urself..treat others like how u want them to treat u..
>>Nic
+If I'm gonna end up being sum1 who 4gets a fren, I'll rather stay single 4 the rest of my life. Lol.
>>Anstice
+^^
>>Sechlanik
+Thx,will kip that in mind.=)